I Remember the very first day that I boarded this addiction train, Aug 2,2009. I discovered that my 18 year old son who had just graduated high school was “shooting” up. I couldn’t wrap my head around what that even meant. Two weeks later I was dropping him off at a 120 day inpatient rehab. I remember carrying his pillow and blanket up that long sidewalk. My mind immediately flashed back to several years earlier when I carried that same blanket and pillow in my arms when dropping him off at youth church camp.
I sat down on the sidewalk and cried like a baby while clenching the pillow up to my face. What What I thought I knew on that particular day was that my son was not your typical drug user and this very first rehab was going to “fix” him and he would overcome this in 120 days.
Nine years later…numerous rehabs, stealing, jail, college degrees, good jobs, relapse, more rehabs, numerous overdoses, court ordered rehabs, more charges, jail, probation, Vivitrol , and here we are—still on the train.
Here we are facing something we’ve been so fortunate to escape, at least until now…prison. I can’t even spit that word out of my mouth. How does a family end up here?
I have learned so much in the last nine years, but what I’ve seen is how addiction changes people. Not just the addict, but everyone in the family. We are all completely different people. Not only does our son look different, but we look different as well. We look different in the way we think, the way we live, the way we trust, the way we hurt, the way we heal, the way we look at people and the way we do just about everything. Every aspect of our lives is viewed from a completely different perspective.
Although we are better people in some ways, we are tired. We are tired of traveling on this train that absolutely goes in no other direction besides hell. I want my sons off, I want my family off, I want your children off, and I want each and every family member off. There must be a way that we can all exit this train safely. I don’t know how just yet, but I’m not going to stop trying. I hope you don’t either.
Until then, love your addicted children as we moms do…unconditionally.
warm hugs and prayers…
Retired High School Teacher from Peebles, Ohio